Thursday 14 July 2016

HARSH TRUTHS

I'm staying over at my Pastor's when I tell him some dreams I had overnight. On the first one he said, ".., that is only your mind, The same worries you have had for all these years, that has cost you this same mistake you just made (a wrong relationship), that is it manifesting in a dream, Stop looking for a husband!"

His words cut like a knife. It reverberated through my brain - "Stop looking for a husband!". In a few seconds I ran the whole gamut of denial, anger, indignation, realisation and finally, acceptance. 

He was right. The word of God says that "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32) In that instant, I got my freedom. Or more accurately, the process began to get my complete freedom. 

Each truth reveals another truth. Painful as they are, if you can take the bold step of walking through those 'Truthful doors' you will find healing to your soul to the extent of the number of doors you are willing to walk through.

The entire failure of my last relationship had had me working my way backwards in my mind through error after error to the very beginning. The mistake had been from before the beginning. 

And why not? The statement my Pastor made made sense. It was the only explanation for horror after horror I had suffered in relationships, poor relationship choices.

Painful as it was I had to come face to face with my own fear of discovering myself that was so morbid I thrust myself at anyone who would take me. Needless to say, people who carried that burden were themselves broken and in no position to be of help, direction or use.

The last seemed the worst, (It was probably no worse than all the others before it, though - they were all spawned from the same root cause, an identity crises that had probably been in place far longer than I cared to remember), seemed the worst more so because I had hoped that making the same mistakes I made out of the Church in the Church would somehow get me God's seal of approval on the relationship. 

Getting my Father God's approval didn't happen, though. He stood aside while the whole thing ran aground and at the end of my tether, neck deep in muck, eyes blind with grime and both parties still clutching on in misery, I cried out "Lord, forgive me. Every way I am out of Your Will (in this relationship), please re-align me, in Jesus Name."


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