The Word

Honestly, I do not know how I thought I was going to make it. I’m not reading The Word, I’m going on past Word stored up and it’s hardly getting me by- I feel like a car running on fumes.

Is there hope? Actually, none!

Unless I listen to the simple instruction I have been given- Read the Word. For real! Who lives on stale food? An amount of the word I had has tided me over thus far but I am starving on current word. What is applicable to me today!

Then I come across the article in Christianity.com- Why So Many Churches Hear So Little of the Bible.

It caught my attention. Yep, guilty- I am looking for what is relevant to my life and I’m not listening to the Word of God just to hear Him speak. I know in my head that every time He speaks He ministers something but my heart just can’t trust enough that what I think is pressing is really not so pressing.

So, I pretty much have one assignment- three actually, the other two being to be thankful and to worship Him.

But I’ll take this one first. Maybe when I get used to it I can do the other two although I have a sneaky feeling they should all three go hand in hand.

A scripture falls into my heart. I do a search to find it “Sanctify them through thy truth; thy word is truth” It’s John 17:17.

Too many people have sat judge over me. Knowing nothing they have spoken and done what they will. What they thought they saw had been so clear... But they had known nothing about it.

I on the other hand have lived for approval. A person who never cared for this I don’t know when exactly this began to matter but I know I have done things simply to fit.

Instead of looking for the one solution I had for my life- the word, His Word!

It was always the only thing that will lead me through. People around me didn’t know anything about me but they judged. I knew nothing about where I was coming from and I pandered instead to people’s whims at some point.

The Word however knows me through and through, knows who I truly am, where I am going, what is inside of me and does not judge me, does not demand, does not ask anything but that I do that which is good for me- and like it or not, only the Word knows that, the Word created me. Why then is the Word so difficult to follow.

The article said the neglect of the Word can only lead to disaster, disobedience and death- ask me about that! It also says an impatience with the Word of God can be explained only by an impatience with God- that cuts deep, I am paying the price!

Well, my very life depends on The Word now. If I do only one thing in the day, it’s going to be spending quality time with the Word- in The Word. It's the only life I've got now.

But who was it that said, when you are left to no other option but God, you'll find that God is the only option you need?

I know that’s true on my head level. Now I’m just hoping I get it on my heart level.

 

...Because God said so!

I was feeling terrible. I had failed God so many times. I was sure it was over. It was easier to just stay down but for some reason He would not let me rest down there. I kept getting a nudge in my spirit- ‘Make amends. Ask forgiveness. Make peace.’ Not again I kept saying. ‘God no dey tire? Abeg, me I don tire.’ It was easier to rest on the ground than keep rising and falling. I had fallen again and this time it seemed I had no energy to get back up. Any will I might have had had neatly been buried under tonnes of guilt that wouldn’t let my conscience rest.

Of course, I had gone through the phase of rebellion before I fell neatly into the enemy’s set-up. I had gone through the phase where I blamed God and figured since He wouldn’t give me what I needed despite seeing my obvious ‘dying’ without it, then it was up to me to take care of myself. It was not the first time, but I guess the devil has innovations of the same thing.

I took matters into my own hands once again, falling into the same old pit, the same ‘ol’way’, with my eyes closed.

Of course, when the threats, loss, muck and mire came calling, I was helpless. Satan had a field day.

God wouldn’t let up, though. Of course, the fact that I had been in that same old pit before should have made climbing out easier- the terrain definitely stank familiar, but God was the only One who helped me make it out.

It seemed I was going under. ‘He would never forgive this time’, I thought- yet, He made me ask for forgiveness. ‘He would never save this time’- yet He made me ask to be saved. ‘He would not help this time’- yet, He made me ask to be helped… And forgive he did, Save He did and Help he most resoundingly did. Driving home the point that His Reason is beyond us humans. Definitely, He sees and gets something that we cannot, that is beyond us to grasp or comprehend without Him

He leads me and I go into prayers. His Forgiveness astounds me, takes the ground neat off from beneath me but I take it anyway. It does not make sense to me but it makes me want to do more.

I remember a dear friend telling me once (I am convinced under the leading of the Spirit) that I am too intellectual. Trusting too much in my own intelligence, when the Word of God does not make sense to me like when it lets me off the hook seemingly ‘so easy’’, I am inclined to flay myself and tell God He isn’t doing a good job of condemning me so I ‘help’ Him. Yeah, there was that.

This time though, I had the devil to thank for my bowed head and the accusations that flew so speedily though my mind and would not allow me take God’s Forgiveness. I took them all to God. He answered me.

Here I am reading the Book of Jeremiah and in my heart I am brought to my knees. Jeremiah 36:1-3 talks of God telling Jeremiah to write down all the words He had spoken against Israel and Judah from the beginning till that date, from the day He had spoken to Jeremiah in the days of Josiah even till that very day –‘unto this day’. Why?

Verse 3 made it clear that ‘it may be that the house of Judah will hear all the evil which I (God) purpose to do unto them; that they may return every man from his evil way; that I may forgive their iniquity and their sin’

Striking! I had spent the last few previous Chapters quaking at the strong words and harsh judgments pending over the heads of God’s people. Striking too was the fact that the message that echoed through these Chapters was of the reprieve and sure mercy that will follow the judgments already passed against the nation.

Now I get to 36 and I find that with all the reprieve God had been so careful to give for the judgments He had passed against His people, He was still giving them a way out of getting that judgment altogether!

And the Word came- God is not looking for who to judge. He is ready to receive as many as are ready to repent. He doesn’t care how many times you have repented. He doesn’t care how many times you have fallen. As far as you are repenting genuinely now! As far as you are turning away from your sins now! You are making a 180 NOW- AND MEAN IT!... And He knows when you mean it. You can’t fool Him! (Gal. 6:7)

I make up my mind to make it; to make it up to Him; to not fall again. Thus far it seemed I was waiting for some approval of some sort. For some go ahead from some human. I mean why should I move on after disappointing so many people even if they do not even know I fell? Why should I move on? I wanted the permission of the human species to move on. To have them tell me they had forgiven me. I realized it might never come. But it HAS come from the One Person, The One Being that truly matters the most- It has come from God.

So, I hear it clearly

‘Forget it and move on, Biola… Because God said so….’

Let God decide...

I went to see a friend after church service yesterday and he made a comment that was becoming increasingly familiar- 'That Church (referring to my new church) is full of indecently dressed girls' or something along those lines. I smiled. It wasn't the first time I was hearing that. I had at some point maligned the very church I now attend though for a different reason. It wasn't new. But I couldn't resist the urge to educate.

I told her an occurrence I found very humbling. Two Christian brothers had entered a public transport only to find themselves sitting beside this 'indecently dressed' lady. Needless to say, they had tried everything possible to ensure that their bodies did not touch the lady's going so far as to direct a new entrant into the vehicle to sit between themselves and the lady.

You see, these 'very' Christian brothers belonged to a denomination that was well known at the time for their aggressive stance for piety, holiness and the like. There was no way they were going to allow themselves to be contaminated by this obvious servant of satan.

The bus got to a particular part of the road and found an accident had just occurred. Like several other vehicles before them, the driver of their vehicle parked and they all got down to behold the driver of the car that had encountered an accident on the floor, convulsing. Everyone looked on in horror... except one.

The indecently dressed lady had her hands raised up high, walking back and forth and... wait for it!...

She was praising God, speaking in tongues and praying! How dared she?

And as if that was not enough, she dared to go one step further... She went to the convulsing man, laid her hand on him and....

He stopped convulsing! Wow!

Needless to say the two 'Christian brothers' went to meet her afterwards and got a mild rebuke telling them 'that God looks at the heart'

And doesn't he? When Samuel went to Jesse's house to anoint one of his sons to be the next King of Israel after Saul, what did God tell him as his (Samuel's) human mind processed Eliab's (One of Saul's sons) countenance and height as becoming a King? '... Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him; for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart' (1Samuel 16:7)

What do I have to say? God knows all. he knows the end from the beginning. He knows whether that sister or brother is going to make it. He knows the heart of that prostitute on the street. And you know what else? H alone knows if she will ever come to him.

God alone knows that man you think will never amount to much. He might never. But as long as he is alive. He just might.

Since we cannot wrap our little heads around what God knows, what He sees and what He is working with can we please stop judging others? You have no right to. Preach the gospel is what you have been called to do. Do just that and let God decide who goes to hell.

And while we are on the matter, the two Christian brothers are now in my Church- a Church of which it is often asked, 'if this Church did not exist, where would all these (indecently dressed, usually initially questionable characters) go?'

I say, 'Let God decide'
 

Want a Christian?

I was talking with a friend two nights ago and the issue of wisdom in choosing a marital partner came up. He said a key word. In essence, he said, ‘Getting involved with a Christian is always better. You don’t have to worry about trust and if they fall they don’t take pride in it or make a habit of it, reveling in or relishing it’

I cast my mind back to encounters I had had with certain ‘Christians’ and I knew the issue of what exactly was a Christian was a bone worth crunching.

Believe it or not there had been periods in my life when I had thought everyone with a Christian name was a Christian. And if you had been born a Christian? You definitely had something over me!

Of course, I paid for my silly notions.

Yes, I couldn’t imagine anyone declaring for God and doing otherwise- until I began to understand what it means to be a Christian. It is a sad truth that people can call themselves Christians but without knowing what it is to be a Christian or what is really expected of them as Christians, they end up not being Christians. 

 

 The Word of God says in Romans 2:28-29:

²⁸ For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh:
²⁹ But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God.

 

For real, without even knowing what it is to be a Christian how do you even know if you are one or if you have even truly decided to be one? And if you do not know who or what a Christian is how would you choose a Christian as a friend or partner.

Well, with the way I was I ended up with what I was- church-flitting, nice-spitting infidels with neither moral backbone nor spiritual strength, forget power.

Yeah, I was all that and I got the same I was like flies to spilled soda. I had a Christian name and so did they. None of us were Christian. Why else would there be the Invisible Church I hear of; the true Church of God composed of not church goers but people who are really serving God?

I read somewhere that going to church doesn’t make you any more Christian than 'parking' yourself in a garage makes you a car. Well, a Christian would always go to Church but going to Church doesn’t make you a Christian.

I have since learnt that being a Christian is a relationship not a set of rituals. It’s obedience to the Word of God not head knowledge. It’s a lifestyle not a garment that you put on and put off at will. It is a commitment; it is dedication even through the weird looks you receive from even weirder people, the put downs you get from people you should pull up and persecution that comes even from your own head and your own body.

Christianity is unwillingness to fall and getting back up when you do knowing fully well that staying down does not give God glory neither does it make you any better or even better loved by God- Christ already paid all the price there ever was to pay, is to pay and ever will be to pay.

Christianity is not turning back when your church members turn on you and your pastor turns out to be something else.

It is a lonely walk you might be priviledged to share with certain people; a lonely walk because you work out your own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Your heart is set on Christ, your eyes fixed on Him and it’s all about no other person but him.

Yes, as a Christian it is better for you to get involved with another Christian. Yes, you would not have to worry about trust. Relationship-wise you would have far less reasons for degenerate worries. But before you go searching for one, ask yourself, are you?

Happy New Year!

I have so much to thank God for- so many actually. When I look at the last year, I know I have grown, matured. I still have a ways to go but I have so much to thank God for.

Last year, I got my job, got over a mindset that was killing me, let go, came into my own and learnt to stand up for myself. I learnt some valuable lessons and this year I am rearing to go.

I commit it into His Hands… ‘cause He alone can get me through. For schizu!

The message of Christmas...

Christmas!

As I went to Transcorp Hilton to spend Christmas eve till the day after boxing with an aunt I wondered what to do. I had expressly received instruction to fast and wait on God. I had even had someone advise me against the trip. Sadly, my aunt would have none of that. ‘You got me into this’, she insisted, ‘We’re going on into together’.

Bemused I wondered how convincing someone to have a fun time in a top hotel with their family could get me ‘under arrest’. ‘I would pray and fast while there’ I said. Yeah, right!

I didn’t only have my aunt give me the injunction on the fourth day of my fast (and my first day with them) that I was to break my fast, I also listened to her when she said as a Minister she was telling me not to fast!

Now, come on here! Sure I didn’t have to break my spiritual exercise. But I got the perfect excuse I needed to do what I really wanted to do. What chance did I stand with all that spread in front of me anyway! (Yeah, right! I have never been a believer of beyond redemption or too far to turn back or too late or… For that matter, too set up! But lately I find a more relaxed mode has me making all sorts of excuses.)

Anyways (pardon my use of the word. It’s a personal idiosyncrasy), as I bit into the bread, baked beans or whatever (yeah, how spectacular are the things that make us break off) it distinctly came into my mind the story of the old prophet and the new (1kings 13). I had used my aunt’s ‘Ministerial injunction’ as an excuse to expressly disobey God. (as I write this now I cannot help but wonder if the Old prophet’s ‘word’ (lies) to the New had not simply been a way out for the New to grub up and disobey God. In the long run, this would reveal God as knowing our heart’s desires and the truth about whatever lies we want to cook up about being tempted.

 I know I have wondered what kind of God would serve a new (and might I add, young, fresh faced (and maybe, vulnerable?) prophet up for breakfast to a lion? Apparently If I had been the New prophet in this scenario with my auntie I would be guilty as sin! I wanted the food!

 

I thanked God for Grace and the question of Grace came up? What exactly was Grace? An excuse to throw up every time we fumbled? An excuse to fumble? It occurred to me that grace was not available at the time of the Old and New prophets in the bible. I, on the other hand, had it. I had access to it!

Of course, the excuse of using it every time I fumbled was not it. Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid. But it is available. There is nothing I can do about that. And I would be a fool such as to turn my back on it because it is too easy. No way!

I communed with God as I smiled at my aunt and internally wrestled with my Creator. I was sorry. I would make it up to him. And the message of Christ on the cross came to me distinctly. He didn’t die in vain. I would access that sacrifice, His blood.

No I could not make up for my disobedience. And no, Grace is not to be taken for granted, but I will take the Grace that is available to me even as it was not in bible times. Yes, the New prophet died according to the bible but I will be no better off than him and maybe even worse off if I do not take the Grace that is available to me. If he had it, I bet he would have taken it! And if he was not smart and did not, I wouldn’t want to follow him in his example.

So while I knew I was in disobedience, I repented. I also knew that I could not pay Him back- not with begs, not with wheedles or extra fasts. But I also knew I had an escape- grace - the price that had been paid on the cross. I did not and do not have to perish. And while I knew I deserved to be flayed and any number of things could happen to me for my disobedience, I knew I didn’t have to be flayed (or flay myself) and nothing evil needed to happen to me. I had an escape route- I took grace!

Coming to think of it right now as I sign off (I didn’t even think of this then!), I think now that the message was apt- that I should receive the message of Grace on Christmas day. The message of Christ arms stretched out on the cross for such a time as this- when I would compromise on God's instruction but would repent, not want to do it any more but still need that I not be eaten by a lion... Wow, Lord! You knock me out!

 

Meditations in a blog...

Just yesterday, I had been at the pits of my life. I couldn’t find God and I was tired. There was no one to turn to either. Feeling trapped I called a friend. She didn’t pick and I proceeded to tell God what exactly I thought of Him – the good, the bad and the ugly. Yyyyyep!

Amazingly though, I would blame Him for something and then remember something lovely He had done just recently and then I would say, ‘Well, You did do that!’

This cycle of blaming and then ‘seeing’ continued for a while and then I discovered the friend I had called, had called me back twice.

I called her, we got talking and my eyes really opened.

When the Lord speaks, even when He is putting you in your place or chastising you, it is usually with such Peace and Love. I fell in love with Him all over again.

Suffice it is to say that when my friend and I had spoken for about an hour and I had asked her to rewind on a particular thing she had said, she had absolutely no clue. She confessed she had been talking but she had no clue what she had been talking about- couldn’t remember what she had been saying!

Thinking about it now I feel enthralled. That God will speak through someone and still be able to keep that conversation private? Goodness!

She admitted that if she had to speak with someone else having similar issues I had, she would likely not say the same things as the response to that person’s issues would be peculiar to the person and their own peculiar situation! She would just open up her mouth and let God speak through her. How did she do this I asked; by telling God every day to use her, was her reply.

I am flabbergasted – not only will she, the person God used to talk with me, not know or remember what God had been talking to me about (might I had though, that from experience, when she needs to remind me of something I need to remember, she remembers! Or should I say she is reminded!), but He also reached me when I was at my lowest.

She said a lot of salient things – my faithlessness, ego, intellectual substitution and rationalization of God, my pride, and my persistence in finding God or talking to Him only when I am down and out only to turn around and accuse Him of not reaching out to me or protecting me or giving me answers till I was down and out. But His answers as well as Himself were, are and always will be there. I was the one who had made a career out of walking away.

At my low ebb, I had mentioned to God my vilest of thoughts and acts and He hadn’t condemned me. Because He hadn’t condemned me the human He had used hadn’t condemned me either.

I left that conversation feeling stronger, better, more hopeful than I had been in a while and on enough steam to tide me over -if I obey. If we are willing and obedient we will eat the fruit of the land (Isaiah 1:19). Obey to do what? I had personal instructions I had shoved aside a while. It was time to do them.

I intend to eat that fruit. I had been warned and pushed to start this blog but would not. Everything was more important until I had no more strength to go on. Now I am doing this- My meditations in a blog. I hope it holds someone up… and keeps me standing!