Meditations in a blog...

Just yesterday, I had been at the pits of my life. I couldn’t find God and I was tired. There was no one to turn to either. Feeling trapped I called a friend. She didn’t pick and I proceeded to tell God what exactly I thought of Him – the good, the bad and the ugly. Yyyyyep!

Amazingly though, I would blame Him for something and then remember something lovely He had done just recently and then I would say, ‘Well, You did do that!’

This cycle of blaming and then ‘seeing’ continued for a while and then I discovered the friend I had called, had called me back twice.

I called her, we got talking and my eyes really opened.

When the Lord speaks, even when He is putting you in your place or chastising you, it is usually with such Peace and Love. I fell in love with Him all over again.

Suffice it is to say that when my friend and I had spoken for about an hour and I had asked her to rewind on a particular thing she had said, she had absolutely no clue. She confessed she had been talking but she had no clue what she had been talking about- couldn’t remember what she had been saying!

Thinking about it now I feel enthralled. That God will speak through someone and still be able to keep that conversation private? Goodness!

She admitted that if she had to speak with someone else having similar issues I had, she would likely not say the same things as the response to that person’s issues would be peculiar to the person and their own peculiar situation! She would just open up her mouth and let God speak through her. How did she do this I asked; by telling God every day to use her, was her reply.

I am flabbergasted – not only will she, the person God used to talk with me, not know or remember what God had been talking to me about (might I had though, that from experience, when she needs to remind me of something I need to remember, she remembers! Or should I say she is reminded!), but He also reached me when I was at my lowest.

She said a lot of salient things – my faithlessness, ego, intellectual substitution and rationalization of God, my pride, and my persistence in finding God or talking to Him only when I am down and out only to turn around and accuse Him of not reaching out to me or protecting me or giving me answers till I was down and out. But His answers as well as Himself were, are and always will be there. I was the one who had made a career out of walking away.

At my low ebb, I had mentioned to God my vilest of thoughts and acts and He hadn’t condemned me. Because He hadn’t condemned me the human He had used hadn’t condemned me either.

I left that conversation feeling stronger, better, more hopeful than I had been in a while and on enough steam to tide me over -if I obey. If we are willing and obedient we will eat the fruit of the land (Isaiah 1:19). Obey to do what? I had personal instructions I had shoved aside a while. It was time to do them.

I intend to eat that fruit. I had been warned and pushed to start this blog but would not. Everything was more important until I had no more strength to go on. Now I am doing this- My meditations in a blog. I hope it holds someone up… and keeps me standing!