GLORY IN TRIBULATION

Romans 5:3

3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

The first verse of my Tecarta bible app verse for the day says we glory in tribulation. I know I don't like to be in tribulation. My skin crawls at the thought of it. On purpose, I find the spelling itself too long, t-r-i-b-u-l-a-t-i-o-n. I mean who wants to spell that? Certainly, not me.

But it's time I guess that I realise that God brings beautiful things out of awful things and that sometimes the way I want things to look or work are not necessarily God's best plans for me.

So tribulation? It's not my best word. But I think if we can get the concept out of Christianity where we think that we float on clouds, strum golden harps and smile with halos hanging over heads once we get to Christ, we would remember that many of God's most spectacular works didn’t have it like a stroll in the park. Three even strolled through a furnace, literally- ask the three Hebrew boys.

I mean how were we supposed to see the fourth person in the furnace if the three Hebrew boys didn't first take the plunge? I mean how would we have ever known or witnessed what God is capable of, if those boys hadn't kept Faith no matter what?

Now, this verse in Romans says to glory in tribulation. It's an admonition for me, honestly. Taking God at His Word is really just that- take Him at His word. Why should that be so difficult?

Paul says, "we glory in tribulation.." If my forebears glory in tribulation, then so should I. That God's way doesn't always follow our ways is a given.  1Cor. 1:25. So, I glory in tribulation!

I can just now imagine us of the Commonwealth of Zion with arms raised above our heads, hands clenched in strong fists as we give Victory Shouts, glorying right in the midst of Tribulation. I wonder why.

Why would we do that in such a time as a time of tribulation, of all things? 

Maybe it's because of the rest of the verse. You see all the aforementioned are true but this verse goes on to say "... knowing that tribulation worketh patience"

Patience? Yes, patience. The word of God says that tribulation works out patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope. 

In essence tribulation would eventually lead to hope. Can I say first of all that this does not make sense to me. My human mind cannot grasp it. How does tribulation lead to hope? 

But then again, it's God's Word. And I know from experience that when I dog His Word and do His Word, I have peace and rest, blessed beyond words. Yes, even when my human mind does not understand. 

So, I glory in tribulation. I know it would work out Patience in me. Patience would work out experience and experience would give me hope.  

Yes, as unsavoury as it sounds to the human mind, I glory in tribulation. And why not? Only God can beat the human mind. Only Christ can bring awe inspiring, mind numbing beauty out of the most dizzying depths of the worst of troubles. 

So, yes I glory in tribulation.

BACK TO BASICS

Stripping myself bare, I wrote for days. I wrote and wrote. Making sense of yet another bad call became priority. It wasn't because of anything special - it was after all, just another of several of the same that had become all too familiar.

Making sense became priority because I had had enough - enough of the same old roll call, the same kind of people, occurrences, mistakes, choices, lies. Yet, not just that. This time, something was different.

The last experience particularly stank? Yeah, maybe that. But there was more. Timing? I don't know. More Grace? Maybe… I just knew at this time I had to have something different. Something better. Henceforth, things had to change.

The repetitions had gotten boring and uninspiring. My life looked bleak with more of this same if something did not change. I had to change. So I wrote. And these are a few of what I found;

One, some might be able to get away with it but I cannot. What? Talking God and dropping Him was just not going to work for me. I wanted my life to pan out too much of just so, to settle for anything less than He had. Some got it wrong and just brazened their way through. Me? No such luxury. (1 Corinthians 9:16)

Two, If I was going to talk God, I had to follow Him to the hilt. No half measures or I was always going to be in a loop about my convictions and my results. (Roamns 1:28)

Three, I had to be an epitome of 'as many as are led by the Spirit' (Romans 8:14). Why? Because even though I had heard from Him before the beginning about my last bad call I had not believed it. Why? Because first of all in my own human thinking, how could He answer so soon? I had asked casually and not really expected an answer. His answer had come so quietly and so instantly I had brushed it off. Looking back now, I recognise it.  

Being led by the Spirit would definitely ensure I don't have time for the wrong kind of people or better still, I would recognise them whenever they appeared in whatever form they appeared. Which brought me to the next point.

Four, I had to spend enough time in His Presence to do the most humanly seemingly 'foolish' things just because I heard Him and I know Who and what I heard. (1Corinthians 2:14) 

Five, I had to find me which I discovered was interminably intertwined in Him. He created me. There is no way on earth to find me without asking Him. No way on earth what He told me about me would mean anything to me if I did not first know him. Inevitably, it seemed knowing me was buried deep within knowing him. (Acts 17:28)

Six. Folks probably didn't all need this journey. I did. Which was another reason why I couldn't go off working my life out by what I saw in other people's. Mine just is different and no matter how much of an oddball I might seem I have to tow my path. I can't aim the same targets, follow the same routes or even do the same things. I can't follow what society says is success and I must be ready to seem a failure in people's eyes just so I can be a success in His. (Philippians 2:12)

Seven. I had to stop finding, making or accommodating the wrong allies. Can two work together except they agree? (Amos 3:3). If you've just not got the same thirst, we'd probably not make it far and if we did, it wouldn't be my call. The right allies would come. He would send them and I would identify them if I follow one to six above.

My choice to follow my route will cost me, I know but anyone or anything not in my life per time henceforth, has no business being in my life per time. People and things I don't have per time, I don't need per time, nor need to desire - their approvals, presence, acceptance - inconsequential because my life is henceforth God's sole enclave. He directs the people and things I need as I move and act according to His Will and Direction. 

The people, things and victories I do have would be well worth it in more ways than one. Why? Because I am no longer operating in my own wisdom, in my own strength. I lie in His and there I find true rest.

HARSH TRUTHS - II

The ground caved in under me almost instantly - in a day or two things began to happen so fast I was certain God had only been waiting for me to say the word for Him to swing into action, and now I am in the aftermath of the rubble.

But I have never felt so elated as I feel right now, so alive. There is a sharpening of my vision. 

Was I cooperating with God all the way? Nope! 

If anything I had held on so tightly to my illusions I got burn marks on my hands. I refused to admit I had spent the better part of six months chasing a lie. 

Like God could be mocked! He was not about to have me drag His name saying 'spiritual' things like "God said he was the one" when I had left simple common sense alone and He had definitely said nothing of the sort. 

I was the one screaming and reeking, "Need, Need" and "Desperation, Desperation" for whatever sad reasons. Kicking and dragging, screaming and yelling, my heart seeking God's Will and my emotions pleading He endorse my foolishness, God got down to business. I had voiced what He needed to hear. 

I look at the rubble in the aftermath of His intervention and I am glad. Why? Because He took nothing out of my hand He did not replace- questions with answers, lies with truth and most of all, the relationship with a renewed sense of responsibility.

I wish I could say, ".. the relationship (replaced) with my identity" but that would not be completely true. "...With a sense of responsibility for discovering who I am" would be more like it.

"Discovering who I am? At thirty five?" Lol! I wish I could say "No, that's not the case." But really, it is. And when I look back, that question - "Discovering who I am? At twenty? At twenty five? At thirty? ..." were probably the reasons I side stepped that responsibility for this long.

So... to avoid having to ask, "Discovering who I am?" At forty five?" I will set out on that journey now. 

Why do I have to? So for one, I can know who I am, what I stand for and where I am headed. So for two, reason number one can help in making the right choices not just in relationships but in life. So, for three, I can live a richer, fuller and more purposeful life.

Does everyone else apart from me know who they are, even at seventy? No. Does everyone know that they do not know who they are? No. So mighty glad I am and thankful to God that even at thirty five I can finally say, I want to know who Esther is. 

You might decide to join me. You might decide to oppose me. You might decide to criticise. You might decide to encourage. You might decide to ignore. You might decide to be indifferent. You might decide to use this opportunity to ask yourself some very salient questions at eighty. You might conclude you know yourself right well, at twenty. Your choice and position is yours, really.

I must say, thus far, it's not been easy. I have had to face painful truths. Still yet, it's been worth it. (Hebrews 12:11) There's a peace that comes from seeing your ugliness because now you know you can clean it up and who knows, discover diamonds lying just beneath. 

There's a peace that comes from accepting you've been living a lie because now you know you can live the truth, your truth; from accepting that you have been making the wrong choices because now you know you can now unlearn whatever has wired you up so wrong, learn what you need to and start making the right choices- live life not just right but to the hilt. There's a peace that comes from accepting that all your romantic relationships have been wrong because now you can ask why, find answers and grow - put an end to nightmares that have gone on for too long.

So, what do I have to say now?  By His Grace, the best of my life lies ahead of me in Christ Jesus. And discovering who I am now, that treasure now is  "Better late, than never."  

HARSH TRUTHS

I'm staying over at my Pastor's when I tell him some dreams I had overnight. On the first one he said, ".., that is only your mind, The same worries you have had for all these years, that has cost you this same mistake you just made (a wrong relationship), that is it manifesting in a dream, Stop looking for a husband!"

His words cut like a knife. It reverberated through my brain - "Stop looking for a husband!". In a few seconds I ran the whole gamut of denial, anger, indignation, realisation and finally, acceptance. 

He was right. The word of God says that "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32) In that instant, I got my freedom. Or more accurately, the process began to get my complete freedom. 

Each truth reveals another truth. Painful as they are, if you can take the bold step of walking through those 'Truthful doors' you will find healing to your soul to the extent of the number of doors you are willing to walk through.

The entire failure of my last relationship had had me working my way backwards in my mind through error after error to the very beginning. The mistake had been from before the beginning. 

And why not? The statement my Pastor made made sense. It was the only explanation for horror after horror I had suffered in relationships, poor relationship choices.

Painful as it was I had to come face to face with my own fear of discovering myself that was so morbid I thrust myself at anyone who would take me. Needless to say, people who carried that burden were themselves broken and in no position to be of help, direction or use.

The last seemed the worst, (It was probably no worse than all the others before it, though - they were all spawned from the same root cause, an identity crises that had probably been in place far longer than I cared to remember), seemed the worst more so because I had hoped that making the same mistakes I made out of the Church in the Church would somehow get me God's seal of approval on the relationship. 

Getting my Father God's approval didn't happen, though. He stood aside while the whole thing ran aground and at the end of my tether, neck deep in muck, eyes blind with grime and both parties still clutching on in misery, I cried out "Lord, forgive me. Every way I am out of Your Will (in this relationship), please re-align me, in Jesus Name."

PRODIGAL DAUGHTER

My last post on this blog was on Saturday, 18th July 2015.

Today Tuesday, 12th July 2016 I resume- six days short of a year later.

Where have I been? A lot has been happening, really. I have been to the house of God. I have been to Bible School. I have been distracted - health trials, a relationship etc, and now I am being chastened and now here I am. I have been in life in the past year but I haven't been at my duty post...

And what have I learnt? That you can go as far as you please, get as much as you want but if you don't have the King of kings you have nothing - "And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living" (Luke 15:13)

Also, trials come to test what you have, what you claim to have and if you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small (Proverbs 24:10). Trials and problems do not come to defeat you. They come to expose you, where you stand, who you really are and what you say you are. And if you are not standing you will be defeated. It will expose like Stormie Omartian said, your 'Christianese'. Or your substance.

I waited fervently for Bible School from July, resumed in October, basked in the euphoria of new found grace and knowledge yet I was bursting at the seams. The class attendance seemed intense and I couldn't wait to complete the semester in December. Then the end - of - year parties rolled in, the dates, and then the lies - the ones I told myself hit the hardest and hurt the most.

The first day of Bible School resumption and I was rushed to the hospital at 2 a.m.  Where was the faith? Where was the stand? A needless relationship rolled in, in all this. No health, no truth, no spirituality... and I'm just beginning to stand.

Like the rubble that remains after an holocaust, my environment demands I squint myself into comprehension. Like the dust that would float for weeks after a volcano would demand, I peer ahead seeking something, anything - a semblance of sanity, a relic of the old and all I can find is nothing.

Like a befuddled old woman, bent over with age and weakened with the pain of consistent battery, weary with burdens she had carried all her life, I look inwards and there I find Him - again.

I look to the One Constant Being that has always made sense in my life, through thick, through thin, faithfulness and unfaithfulness, The Sun. If I peered intently enough, I could actually make out the Sun. "But onto you that fear my name shall the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall" (Malachi 4:2). Do I fear Him? Yes. It is one of the reasons I turn to Him. So I peer through that dim float of dust and I acknowledge The Sun. I bask in the warmth of its thinly veiled glow. I heave a sigh of relief as its healing powers seep silently into my weakened bones. I will be healed.

What's more? It is still day. The day is not gone yet. "I must work the works of Him that sent me, while it is day; the night cometh when no man can work". (John 9:4).  I will still do... The work of my Father.

Relationship Versus Fellowship

Pastor Bukola would give an example thus:

If my father disowned me and people saw me, what would they say- “There goes the child whose father disowned him”. And when they saw my father what would they say? “That is the man who disowned his Son”. Had the relationship being broken? No. Neither party was being described without the other. (And if you ask me I’d say, the relationship probably became more pronounced after the disowning as now both parties were being described using each other. This might not necessarily have been the case if a disowning had not taken place.)

Pastor Bukola would continue, “The relationship had not been broken but the fellowship had been”

The Oxford Advanced Learner’s dictionary describes Fellowship as ‘a feeling of friendship between people who do things together or share an interest’

Do the Father and Son still do things together when the Father disowns the son or the Son turns prodigal? No. fellowship has been broken- the feeling of friendship has been lost. 

What is friendship? A relationship. You might say then that the feeling of relationship has been lost. What kinds of relationship are there- friendship, family, siblings, neighbour. 

What kind of relationship do we have with God- Father/Son. So what relationship feeling has been broken with God when Fellowship is broken? Father/Son feeling- The relationship has not been broken. It’s still there. But the feeling of relationship has been broken. The Father does not feel like He has a son though the son is still alive, well and kicking. And/or the son does not feel like he has a Father, although the father is still Alive (and in this scenario with God, can never die).

The Oxford Advanced Dictionary also describes fellowship as ‘an organized group pf people who share an interest, aim or belief’.

It means that people can come together for a common purpose- they are a fellowship.

So what about in this area of sharing an interest? Fellowship is broken when there is no longer a shared interest. The things of the father do not interest the son. The things of the son are not appealing to the father. Fellowship is broken but the relationship is still intact. Feeling of relationship is lost but the Father-son relationship is still intact.

When we share God’s purpose and follow his agenda for fulfilling them we are in fellowship with God. We can even say that we are a fellowship with Him. But when we cease to share God’s interests, His aims, we have broken fellowship.

However, if a father and son had fellowship and the son left or broke the fellowship and decided to be on his own. Would he cease to be the father’s son? No! But would He still be in fellowship with the father! Still, No. The son would still be the father’s son- relationship is intact. But the son would have broken fellowship with his father- feeling of relationship lost.

Bringing this home; when a child of God does not live according to the Will of God, does not spend time with God, does not fellowship with God. The child of God does not stop being a child of God. The child of God’s Relationship with the Father remains intact- He is that child that has broken fellowship with His Father. Note the description of the child of God is still going to be in relation to God- "I thought He was a Christian/child of God/believer" is what some people will say.

The child of God however, has broken Fellowship with His Father. The feeling of relationship is no longer there. He is not in communion with the Father and so cannot know the heart of the Father. The child of God, therefore has lost Fellowship not Relationship.

How can fellowship then, be restored? Simple! Simply by returning to the Father- stirring back up the feelings of relationship, sharing His interests, making His interests as important to us as ours is, has always been and always will be to Him, doing His Will, staying in the Will of the Father and communing with Him- always.

Grace II

Back to the gift of Grace. I realise that God had been trying to talk to me about His Grace for so long. Yes, I had been so afraid of taking it for granted that I was not using it at all. But here He was reminding me through Pastor Bukola that He had not written the concluding pages of my life yet. I could still start over- that was Grace.

I was to stop fighting the Old and build the new. That was Grace.

He had not condemned me or written me off. That was Grace.

All I had heard from people pretty much summing up the rest of my life and what I could expect were all lies and nothing like His beautiful plans for my life.

The Rhema I had received about things that had happened, why they had happened and why I had done the things I had done were confirmed- that was Grace!

When I asked this morning, “How do I stop fighting the old and start building the new?”

I got- each time I look back, I was fighting the old. Each time I rationalized and tried to make excuses for my mistakes, I was fighting the old. Each time I wondered or worried what people had to say about my past or what they thought of me, I was fighting the old. Each time I was holding on to what I used to do, trying to fight old sins, preparing for them in case they came back, I was fighting the old.

What was I supposed to do? I’m supposed to build the new. How? Take my eyes off my past and look onto God, onto Jesus.

And that reminds me of what Pastor Bukola said about my wandering, looking for Grace- “You don’t go looking for Grace. You go looking for God and when you find God, you find Grace”. Saying in essence that when you find God, you would see His Grace. 

The Grace of God wraps us all every single day. That we are all alive is by Grace. So many things we enjoy is by His Grace. But we do not see this Grace because we do not see God. We refuse to acknowledge Him, so we do not know that we have what He has given us.

So how do you find God- By going into his Word. By communing with Him. By spending time with Him...

And this brings me to the topic of Relationship Versus Fellowship...

Grace!

The message of Grace is one whose revelation has eluded me, slipping through my fingers even at the times when I seemed to grasp it. For an attribute that I had been actively and intentionally looking for, leaving my home church and changing churches every now and then, visiting churches and eventually refusing to go to any church at all- it is almost inconceivable that I would lose it once I grasp it. But lose it I did- over and over again.

Pardon me but, my religious mind, then Muslim now Christian and seemingly every bit as religious as it had ever been, refused to grab the concept of Grace! Grace! That one word- denoted in so many ways but promising hope, freedom, victory…

That God wants me to come into His Grace, receive His Gift of Grace and appropriate it in my own life is not deniable. In fact, I am not certain if He has chased me in recent times with any gift as actively as with this Gift of Grace- A Benny Hinn message here, a personal Rhema there, even a Display picture I saw which said something along the lines of not wasting energy fighting the old but on building  the new. Did I get it? No! I just kept going around looking for Grace whilst I swam in it.

So, what am I going to do? Well, pretty much like the story of my life and like my relationship with God, He saved me- again!

I was talking to Pastor Bukola about my past mistakes- mistakes which seemed destined to run me into the ground and leave God flailing helplessly beside me, unable to help? But that is not possible! God can never be helpless. Even His Weakness is stronger than men 1st Corinthians 1:25

You see sometimes we underestimate our God and overestimate sin, the devil, our human weaknesses, past mistakes. We are all so convinced that this evil tripartite of devil, sin and man will just run us into the ground and of course, there is nothing God can do about it. Especially when you add the fact that God cannot behold iniquity. How on earth is He going to save you from  your foolishness, mistakes, errors, doom, sin- all self-inflicted of, course?

My thanks be to God Who is not limited by our inabilities, failings, weaknesses. In fact, whether we like it or not, we are inexorably being drawn towards the perfect will of God. It’s going to end like he said. Whether we are on the right side or wrong side of His Judgement is all left to us. And now is the gift of Grace available.

You see, we cannot hear it long enough, loud enough or often enough that our God is all powerful. All the demons there are could not stop Christ rising – how many exactly do you have in your life that can stop God. Don’t hold your breathe trying to count because no one is going to stop Him - no one and nothing.

I give Thanks!

It is one of those days- when bills are piling and all you have to combat them is faith- and that sinking feeling that you have not prepared enough or wisely enough and now you are going to pay the price, somehow. It mutates into aggression, impatience. It would roll over into everything if I let it.

Yet, I just finished reading an article by Dena Johnson on Christianity.Com titled 'Learning to take joy in God’s gifts'. And I decide to thank God instead of grumble, get angry or get spiteful. I decide to make a list- short really, but a start nonetheless.

So though I might not have the money for the next snack or comfort, I decide to say to God:

1) I thank You Lord because I can eat- I might not be able to buy a snack right now because I am broke. But I’ve got food in the house- three different soups in my fridge, my choice of pasta, Semo, Garri or Poundo. If that is not plenty of food I don't know what is.

2) I thank You Lord because I am healthy – even though you say there is no money, you’ll be shocked how much tighter things can be when you have to find medical bills amongst zero. You’ll be surprised folks might not help you feed better but they might certainly help you with Medical bills. And if you are lucky, their help might not be a loan. I thank God I don’t have to find out- I'm healthy!

3) I thank You Lord because I have loved ones – My parents are the most beautiful people on the face of this earth. My siblings simply the best. I’ve heard of horrors borne on the wings of people with whom  one should find the most rest. I thank God I have never had to worry about that. We have had our differences – like the time I gave my life to Christ, and that other time when I didn’t live my talk, and that other time…. But point is we have loved, still love and I pray to God even with thanksgiving that we will always love, ourselves through and through. (And yes, Lord- I really need help getting them all saved…  but this is not the time or place to talk about that, I guess- I'm giving thanks only at this time!)

4) I thank You Lord because I have a wonderful car –  I didn’t expect to buy it. I had expected it because God promised it but I didn’t think I could. And I didn’t! He did because that’s the only explanation for buying a car out of no dough – it wasn’t given me. I bought it- and I don’t know how.

5) I thank You Lord because I have a beautiful house- I am yet to see anyone come into my home for the first time and not tell me ‘Your house is beautiful’. I even painted and repainted… I can’t complain.

6) I thank You Lord because I have a six figure income- Yeah! And how on earth do I get away complaining about being broke? I was stupid that’s why. And I’m still paying for it. But He’s made it so easy I can’t imagine how He did it. Point though is broke or not, the income’s still coming and I thank God because it means I’m getting out of broke pretty soon.

7) I thank You Lord because I have spiritual blessings in heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3) – Mercies, Forgiveness, Grace, Goodness, Blessings, Peace, Joy (like a river and so sweet!), Victories and countless other blessings I cannot (fully) explain. Where do I begin to count them? I don’t know. Maybe from before I was born, who knows? But here I am thanking Him for them, because I enjoy them, always have and by His Grace always will.

What about all these other blessings I still also, thank God for? His Faithfulness on my loved ones? On friends? I don’t have to mourn anyone. I don’t have to pay medical bills on anyone… And I wouldn’t thank God??? You bet I will!

Yeah, I might not be able to get one or two things now that I want but I know it’s a short term effect of several mistakes over time. Considering that even, I think I got off pretty easy - and that's still thanks to Him! I mean, I’m not at a dead end (did I mention the other countless blessings I cannot trace?).

Now to wrap things up, if you consider that my God is able to make a highway out of a dead end, does it not make my case (humanly speaking) just that much more encouraging? But we do know that my God does not need any more power to make a way for me than He needs to make a way in the wilderness. (Isaiah 43:19).

If that’s not another reason to be thankful, I don’t know what is!

Rejoice!

I'm in Church and Pastor Philip says - 'We rejoice because we know that whatever we are going through (as Christians) God will turn it out for good'. I receive that word as Rhema.

God can make us come out alright no matter what is going on in our lives. He can handle it. He can make them (the problems) crawl. And He can let them become whatever He wants them to become.

This would be consistent with the word that was laid in my heart during the service about things not being about our sins but of how much of God, His Word, His Spirit we have in our lives. Again, the picture would come to my mind of a transcending, an elevation that is a direct consequence of having more Word, more Holy Spirit, more of the God kind of life (which is still only possible by having more of God, more of His Word). In fact, this has been a recurrent theme imprinted on my mind all week.

The picture would always be of a body floating not as a direct consequence of the absence of sin but as a result of having more of God, more God. Sin is neutralized, impotent, made of non-effect by God. Sin cannot operate.

Pastor Bukola would say referring to scripture, 'As many as are led by the Spirit, they are the sons of God'. Romans 8:14. It is impossible to make any progress without the Spirit of God!

I had to meditate, assimilate and regurgitate, chew and re-chew the word Pastor Philip spoke when he said God will turn out anything going on in our lives- debts, pain and so on- out for good. 'We rejoice because we know that whatever we are going through as Christians God will turn it out for good'. (This is confirmed in Romans 8:28.) I realised that even sin in the life of a believer will be overcome if only we just believe and rejoice in the Lord that turns all things out for good. Even that sin would be mocked, removed become a thing of history and overcome with and in God. I had gained power over sin. 

I came to understand that we were not rejoicing just because it was good and forgetting God when things went bad. Rejoicing is not about a manifest presence of things as we want them to be but a declaration of God and His goodness in ALL our situations – NO MATTER WHAT. Not because things were necessarily alright at the time but because one accepts the truth that as a son of God EVERYTHING works out for your good NO MATTER WHAT. Romans 8:28. 

If you will pardon my Grammer - God does not just CAN- but God DOES make EVERYTHING work out for good. It might rarely, if ever be how we expect it to be or want things to be but if we truly have the mind of Christ (1Corinthians 2:16) we will be thankful to God for exactly how everything turns out to be because we see God's Hand in everything, in every minute detail. It is this belief that many Christians fail to hold on to.

Then I get the word before I alight from my car when I get home. ''A Christian is one who remains a Christian even in the furnace''. You don’t just call on God, believe in Him, believe Him and sing 'You are Good' only when it gets rosy. We call on God even when we are down and seemingly out because we know that He does not change. Not because we are down, not because we are sad, not because we think we are out does God change - never. God remains good (Matthew 19:17, Mark 10:18, Luke 18:19), His plans for us remain good (Jeremiah 29:11) and He continues to bring good out of EVERY situation (Romans 8:28, Ephesians 2:10). He remains The Same - and that is what we hold on to.  Brethren, it does not get better than that!

It starts in the Heart

The book of Hebrews, I’m reading it and Chapter 3 verse 7 to 19 says so much about the heart. I have been worried that I have drifted. Falling more times than I am happy to remember, I couldn’t imagine that God will still help me. Then I see this passage-

⁷ Wherefore (as the Holy Ghost saith, To day if ye will hear his voice, ⁸ Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: ⁹ When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. ¹⁰ Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do alway err in their heart; and they have not known my ways. ¹¹ So I sware in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest.) ¹² Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. ¹³ But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. ¹⁴ For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end; ¹⁵ While it is said, To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts, as in the provocation. ¹⁶ For some, when they had heard, did provoke: howbeit not all that came out of Egypt by Moses. ¹⁷ But with whom was he grieved forty years? was it not with them that had sinned, whose carcases fell in the wilderness? ¹⁸ And to whom sware he that they should not enter into his rest, but to them that believed not? ¹⁹ So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief.

I have been asked not to harden my heart. I have been. I realise. I didn’t just start to fall or fail the day I fell or failed, it was a gradual process. I didn’t just fall out with God, lose Him or backslide, it had been happening in my heart. In the little things I decided to do or not to do. In the times I said ‘No, Lord’ where I should have said ‘Yes’. In the times I felt He was a burden. In every step I took and had to say ‘God will understand’. In every time I tried to justify myself. Every single day I fell away and while the glory did not depart immediately or at once, the heart definitely hardened. Gradually I got to the point where anger towards God was the norm and everything else had to make me angry. In the heart- In the heart is where it all began…

Verse 12 talks about taking heed… lest there be any evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. Unbelief, doubting God is of an evil heart. I looked away from God. I took the bull by the horns and delivered myself. But where was it that I read that you can deliver yourself out of your problem but you cannot deliver yourself into God’s will. I lost God. I fell away. I had an evil heart.

To everyone I looked alright. Except for when I couldn’t hide it anymore or the state of my heart seeped through, I was pleasant and all smiles. Adorable really, and had loads of friends but I was dying inside and it reflected in my mess of a life- nothing seemed to work out in certain areas and soon even the areas I thought I had it okay were soon lost.

I was certainly hardened through my sin (Verse 13). I didn’t want to hear of God anymore. Prayer was a chore I could barely do. It would follow that God did grieve and in a way my carcasses did fall in the wilderness in the state of defeat I had condemned myself to by my choice to figure things out on my own. My heart DID harden.

And in the heart it will begin… again. This time to resurrect. This time to heal. This time to love God like never before. Verse 18 says that it is those who did not believe that did not enter into God’s rest. It follows that if I do believe (now) I would enter into God’s rest (Just like if they had believed then they would have entered into God’s rest).

I did not die for a reason. God preserved me. Not unto defeat or powerlessness and definitely not unto loss or for loss. I will believe now. Faithful is He that has promised. (Hebrews 10:23) Verse 19 says they could not enter into God’s rest for unbelief. It means if I believe I would enter His rest. I am not dead, so it is not over. I am not dead so I can rewrite the story of my generation. I am not dead so I can still say this is not how the story ends. I am not dead because God has given me a second (okay, another) chance. (Romans 2:4). I will not die but live to declare the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13). I am not giving up. The bible says the righteous falls down seven times and rises up again. (Proverbs 24:16)

So, I will believe… because victory and defeat start in the heart… Belief leads to Victory. Unbelief leads to defeat. I choose victory. And it starts in the heart.

Special Creation of a Magnificent God

God obviously loves Man. This lets me think that since God does not do anything for show or without reason in all his Wisdom then there is something to Man.

Now if God will create man, establish a relationship with him, go out of his way to redeem him after disobedience and to this day is still inviting men, ‘come’, then there is something in man, that man is yet to know.

And maybe that explains satan’s envy that another has come to take his place. Maybe that explains satan’s anger. Because if God was just loving something that was empty perhaps satan would have nothing but mild anger or occasional disgust at the fickle object on which so much affection would have been considered a waste upon.

But we know God does not waste. Not time, not resources, not power, not anything. So if God Loves man, He must have poured something into Him that Man is yet to find out. This thing in Man, satan must have, at least, a passing idea about or He would not be so bent on making sure that man neither finds this ‘thing’ out nor sits in communion with his Creator.

I feel strongly that only in the presence of the Creator can man truly discover who he is and it stands to reason that a creature should be defined by its Creator.

You will never know who you are, what God has deposited in you- what He has invested in you, from the devil or any other place outside God. The devil might definitely know nothing more about you than a passing glimpse no matter how much or great he knows and He most definitely cannot bring to fruition or activate that which God has put into you. So, would you stop wasting time serving yourself, serving the world and serving satan? You will only be like a fish out of water.

You know that for all your seeming finery and power, you can never have one thing with the devil- your purpose. He can give you assignments. But He will never give you purpose.

He does not have it to give and even if he did have it from God, he (satan)  would not give it to you because it is in discordance with the plans he (satan) has for you- plans of destruction and to make sure you never make it back into union with your Creator, plans to make sure you never discover who God made you to be talk less of fulfill purpose.

The book of Jeremiah talks of the thoughts of peace and the expected end God has towards Man. It emphasizes that His thoughts towards us are not of evil. Luke 10.10 goes on to contrast the reason Christ came against the intents and works and of the devil.

If you forget anything, don’t forget this- that you are the special Creation of a Magnificent God. He is sold out on you- literally! Why else would He come to die for you? Now all you have to do is be sold out on Him. Trust Him, invariably, at some point, you’ll be glad you did.

'Natural' Pride

The devil himself was described as the angel that covered (Ezekiel 28:14). He was in the very throne room of God and ministered to the Highest. How did He loose such an exalted position? Pride!

It strikes me in the bible, the passage that says”… the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day…” (Genesis 3:8)  A Being walking in a garden in the cool of the day, even if it is the voice of the Being doing the walking, strikes me as a pretty down-to-earth personality. No airs. Definitely has time to relax and appreciate the finer things as against the stress and hogging that goes with attention-grabbing and acclaim-finding. My God strikes me as a pretty basic personality- basic not for the absence of aura or charisma, character or even utmost Power but because He is thoroughly unaffected, free from all affectations, down-to-earth and for all He is and has, He is totally without pride.

This One and Only God of all the worlds, Creator of all things was and still is so humble that He desires a relationship with clay in the form of Man. How much more basic can you get? Splendorous Light, All Power, Immortal, infinite All Wise God, wanted, wants and still wants a relationship with Man.

Man however is proud, tending towards self-acclaim, self-aggrandizement and self-will. You know nothing about who you are but you will sooner do what you will than find your true purpose through your Creator.

The problem of pride in man begs the question- why do we want to flaunt? Who is so important we throw away reason, humanity and even God to impress?

The God who created us, for all He was and is and will ever be has never put schisms between Himself and any of His creatures. Serve me is all He asked. Yet tolerates your disrespect and is patient with your fallen nature though He had nothing to do with it. Ultimately He makes your innermost desires His business to bring you unto perfection. I wonder sometimes why he bothers and it rings in my heart- what He put into you- begging the examination of the fact that perhaps humans, all humans, lose a pivotal truth about themselves, who they are just by refusing to be and stay in the presence of the One who created them.

Man would generally not stop except in the face of loss or imminent loss (if they are given the priviledge and they are able to receive and understand it) that life is so fickle, the things we chase after so ephemeral and the accolades we grasp so short-lived and undependable to the point of insanity, that it is mind boggling and terribly tasking on the brain of any right thinking person, why humans would disrespect, destroy and even kill each other for power, fame or money.

Yes, perhaps the social sciences would explain these away with terms like ego and the like and how it affects human behaviour. But I think expecting or even simply just explaining by these is the exact reason humanity as yet does not understand some of its 'natural' inclinations to be perfectly unnatural.

He is Omni!

Lamentations Chapter 3 got me. I could relate with it because it rang true in the spiritual dryness/disconnect I felt. Yes, I was praying, I was a firebrand- or at least lighting up, but I felt very disconnected from God.

For some reason the things I knew and had denied and gone on to disobey now taunted me. I had known them but not listened. I had gone on to disobey and now it seemed even that was being denied me- that knowledge, it's conviction. Not because I didn't believe them to be what they were anymore but because I had not believed them at the time when they could have saved me much pain...

Yep, dryness fit. I felt embraced but distanced. Loved but chastised. I know I am not going anywhere from God despite this because Job's declaration that 'Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him' (Job 13:15) has profound meaning to me now.

I know He's not going to let me go. I know he chastises his own. Even as I write I see already apparent pits to fall in. Luckily for me what you are capable of doing is not held against you. Only what you can do.

So I draw closer to Him. and draw on the Strength only He can give, I hide within the hedge only He can secure one in. And I wait... Patiently I wait as I am healed of every wound, every anger, every pain and every bitterness. Wounds from gullibility and foolishness, anger at God because I felt He did not protect me (but life exists by His Protection), pain from a sustained sense of betrayals and bitterness for things not being the way I envisaged or wanted them to be.

I learn you don't tell God- He knows. The sooner you embrace His Will, who He is, the easier the ride will be. You don't struggle with the Most High. Indeed, 'it is hard for you to kick against the prick'' (Acts 26:14).

He is Omni...

Called by Grace!

I had just finished my reports and I had called Onome to let’s go downstairs and talk. Our new office hardly afforded privacy and while there had been a time when I had thought what I was about to discuss with Onome had been public, I was not interested on tooting the particular horn before people yet.

Soon, Onome began to tell me about his brush with death via an accident that had taken place on his way to Delta state preparing for his wedding. Getting out of the car with barely a scratch in an accident where one person had died and several others bleeding was miracle enough. Hearing the entire story was humbling and mind blowing at the same time. I am certain an angel was involved.

Ebuka joined us and recounted his own testimony- how he and his brother with his family had escaped death by fire. I was stunned. This God was still in the business of saving lives and people.

It was not that I did not have my own experiences. I should be the last to deny my overflowing cup of testimonies. I was however seeing that what God would do for one, he would do for all. He loved His creation!

When Ebuka mentioned how he was ‘trying ’ to serve God and how distractions and temptations came despite all God had done for him. I felt he thought himself inept. Perhaps, ungrateful. I could relate. I felt I could see him beyond what he had said.

I told him God was not looking for perfect people. He perfects. He is not expecting us to deal with life’s problem’s, temptations and distresses alone and come to him with a ‘clean bill of health’- of having done things by ourselves- we couldn’t possibly!

All God wants is for us to come to Him with genuineness of heart, ready to serve Him, humble ourselves before him and live our lives for Him. I have since found that this is a daily decision and commitment. Daily, attacks will come, temptations and distractions. They must surely come. But once we have taken that decision daily, we are better able to stand.

The story comes to mind from perhaps a devotional I read which goes something akin to a small boy walking a tight rope to impress his mum and stretches out both hands holding nothing as he ‘does’ this great feat and excitedly shouts to his mum, ‘See mama, no hands!’

Even as I write this I can imagine the horror felt by such a mother. ‘No hands!’ I doubt God wants us doing such things with ‘no hands’. He definitely wants to walk you through everything in life and in your life. You have not charted this course before. Why ‘no hands’?

Then I am reading the book of 2^nd Timothy this morning and Chapter 1 verse 9 confirms what I was telling Ebuka. It says, ‘Who has saved us and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace…’.

It confirms that you have been called not because you are holy but because, if you let Him, you will be.

The Word

Honestly, I do not know how I thought I was going to make it. I’m not reading The Word, I’m going on past Word stored up and it’s hardly getting me by- I feel like a car running on fumes.

Is there hope? Actually, none!

Unless I listen to the simple instruction I have been given- Read the Word. For real! Who lives on stale food? An amount of the word I had has tided me over thus far but I am starving on current word. What is applicable to me today!

Then I come across the article in Christianity.com- Why So Many Churches Hear So Little of the Bible.

It caught my attention. Yep, guilty- I am looking for what is relevant to my life and I’m not listening to the Word of God just to hear Him speak. I know in my head that every time He speaks He ministers something but my heart just can’t trust enough that what I think is pressing is really not so pressing.

So, I pretty much have one assignment- three actually, the other two being to be thankful and to worship Him.

But I’ll take this one first. Maybe when I get used to it I can do the other two although I have a sneaky feeling they should all three go hand in hand.

A scripture falls into my heart. I do a search to find it “Sanctify them through thy truth; thy word is truth” It’s John 17:17.

Too many people have sat judge over me. Knowing nothing they have spoken and done what they will. What they thought they saw had been so clear... But they had known nothing about it.

I on the other hand have lived for approval. A person who never cared for this I don’t know when exactly this began to matter but I know I have done things simply to fit.

Instead of looking for the one solution I had for my life- the word, His Word!

It was always the only thing that will lead me through. People around me didn’t know anything about me but they judged. I knew nothing about where I was coming from and I pandered instead to people’s whims at some point.

The Word however knows me through and through, knows who I truly am, where I am going, what is inside of me and does not judge me, does not demand, does not ask anything but that I do that which is good for me- and like it or not, only the Word knows that, the Word created me. Why then is the Word so difficult to follow.

The article said the neglect of the Word can only lead to disaster, disobedience and death- ask me about that! It also says an impatience with the Word of God can be explained only by an impatience with God- that cuts deep, I am paying the price!

Well, my very life depends on The Word now. If I do only one thing in the day, it’s going to be spending quality time with the Word- in The Word. It's the only life I've got now.

But who was it that said, when you are left to no other option but God, you'll find that God is the only option you need?

I know that’s true on my head level. Now I’m just hoping I get it on my heart level.

 

...Because God said so!

I was feeling terrible. I had failed God so many times. I was sure it was over. It was easier to just stay down but for some reason He would not let me rest down there. I kept getting a nudge in my spirit- ‘Make amends. Ask forgiveness. Make peace.’ Not again I kept saying. ‘God no dey tire? Abeg, me I don tire.’ It was easier to rest on the ground than keep rising and falling. I had fallen again and this time it seemed I had no energy to get back up. Any will I might have had had neatly been buried under tonnes of guilt that wouldn’t let my conscience rest.

Of course, I had gone through the phase of rebellion before I fell neatly into the enemy’s set-up. I had gone through the phase where I blamed God and figured since He wouldn’t give me what I needed despite seeing my obvious ‘dying’ without it, then it was up to me to take care of myself. It was not the first time, but I guess the devil has innovations of the same thing.

I took matters into my own hands once again, falling into the same old pit, the same ‘ol’way’, with my eyes closed.

Of course, when the threats, loss, muck and mire came calling, I was helpless. Satan had a field day.

God wouldn’t let up, though. Of course, the fact that I had been in that same old pit before should have made climbing out easier- the terrain definitely stank familiar, but God was the only One who helped me make it out.

It seemed I was going under. ‘He would never forgive this time’, I thought- yet, He made me ask for forgiveness. ‘He would never save this time’- yet He made me ask to be saved. ‘He would not help this time’- yet, He made me ask to be helped… And forgive he did, Save He did and Help he most resoundingly did. Driving home the point that His Reason is beyond us humans. Definitely, He sees and gets something that we cannot, that is beyond us to grasp or comprehend without Him

He leads me and I go into prayers. His Forgiveness astounds me, takes the ground neat off from beneath me but I take it anyway. It does not make sense to me but it makes me want to do more.

I remember a dear friend telling me once (I am convinced under the leading of the Spirit) that I am too intellectual. Trusting too much in my own intelligence, when the Word of God does not make sense to me like when it lets me off the hook seemingly ‘so easy’’, I am inclined to flay myself and tell God He isn’t doing a good job of condemning me so I ‘help’ Him. Yeah, there was that.

This time though, I had the devil to thank for my bowed head and the accusations that flew so speedily though my mind and would not allow me take God’s Forgiveness. I took them all to God. He answered me.

Here I am reading the Book of Jeremiah and in my heart I am brought to my knees. Jeremiah 36:1-3 talks of God telling Jeremiah to write down all the words He had spoken against Israel and Judah from the beginning till that date, from the day He had spoken to Jeremiah in the days of Josiah even till that very day –‘unto this day’. Why?

Verse 3 made it clear that ‘it may be that the house of Judah will hear all the evil which I (God) purpose to do unto them; that they may return every man from his evil way; that I may forgive their iniquity and their sin’

Striking! I had spent the last few previous Chapters quaking at the strong words and harsh judgments pending over the heads of God’s people. Striking too was the fact that the message that echoed through these Chapters was of the reprieve and sure mercy that will follow the judgments already passed against the nation.

Now I get to 36 and I find that with all the reprieve God had been so careful to give for the judgments He had passed against His people, He was still giving them a way out of getting that judgment altogether!

And the Word came- God is not looking for who to judge. He is ready to receive as many as are ready to repent. He doesn’t care how many times you have repented. He doesn’t care how many times you have fallen. As far as you are repenting genuinely now! As far as you are turning away from your sins now! You are making a 180 NOW- AND MEAN IT!... And He knows when you mean it. You can’t fool Him! (Gal. 6:7)

I make up my mind to make it; to make it up to Him; to not fall again. Thus far it seemed I was waiting for some approval of some sort. For some go ahead from some human. I mean why should I move on after disappointing so many people even if they do not even know I fell? Why should I move on? I wanted the permission of the human species to move on. To have them tell me they had forgiven me. I realized it might never come. But it HAS come from the One Person, The One Being that truly matters the most- It has come from God.

So, I hear it clearly

‘Forget it and move on, Biola… Because God said so….’